My brother and I continue our RPGTrek with Dragon Quest V: Hand of the Heavenly Bride. This game continues the Zenethian trilogy in epic fashion. In this game, you get married, collect monsters pokemon style, and travel the world to collect the hero’s Zenethian armor from the last adventure! Does this game push the series forward, or does it knock it down a few hit points? Your next RPGTrek story is only a click away!
JOURNEY OF A UTAHN POLYGAMEIST
DRAGON QUEST V: Hand of the Heavenly Bride – PART 4
We fight our way back down, after experiencing a party wipe to a @#!!$! cannibox. Seriously, I hate these things. Miss initiative, and one of them can clean the slate of heroes faster than any boss could dream of doing. Sigh. Anyway, we eventually work our way to the bottom and enter the town of Gotha. We run into our old friend, Sancho, when our wife takes another nose dive and faints. As a priestess looks over her, I stare, blankly. She reveals our worst fear…errr…greatest joy. My wife is with child!
Ok…now I have to shatter the fourth wall yet again as this moment in the game simply made me moan, in pain. I grant that in any game, especially an older JRPG, I, the player, need to bring a certain measure of disbelief and buy-in to the table. But, when I’ve only known my wife a few days in game, never say anything to anyone, including her, never display emotion and she’s suddenly pregnant (and not just that…but about to give birth), I simply want to yell. Aside from the fact that she’s clearly not human (able to give birth in a matter of days), the game asks too much of me at this point, and I have to take a break. Thankfully, for you, the reader, that week off passes in about one paragraph. Sigh. Ok. I’m done. Back to the game.
To clarify, a wee bit of time (or was it months) passed between when I receive news of her pregnancy, and the actual arrival of the little bundles of joy. Sancho introduces us to the reigning monarch, who turns out to be none other than our uncle. A humble, jovial soul, he would love to relinquish the throne to the son of the true monarch, me. However, his advisor suspiciously points out an old tradition requiring that I go to some ruins to claim a monarch heirloom. In the time it took me to get there in back (I had to rest once to restore MPs, so it felt like one day to me), my wife gave birth to twins.
With artifact in hand, my uncle thrusts me to the throne and everyone in the kingdom rejoices by throwing the largest party ever! Seriously, this party blew whatever bar set by anything before it, since even the guards joined on it!! Everyone drank and feel straight asleep! And, while everyone slept, the queen, who JUST gave birth (and probably in no condition to travel) disappeared. Eventually, we discovered that the sneaky advisor joined the monsters and put these plans into place for diabolical reasons beyond our ability to comprehend. Think about it. He joined the side of monsters. How does that even work? How did he manage to navigate negotiations without ending up the monsters’ dinner in the process? Inquiring minds want to know, but such knowledge escapes us to this day.
My wife and I chase him down to a tower located a few clicks north. After working our way through numerous monsters, we find him at the top. He regrets his actions (surprise, surprise), as we end up caught in a trap. After defeating a lower boss, a larger one comes in, monologues for a bit, and turns us both to stone. I keep waiting for something to suddenly reverse this turn of events, but it did not. Instead, the bad guys leaves, laughing, and we stand there, silently, all alone. Eventually, a couple of treasure raiders infiltrates the tower, and steals both of us both to sell at an auction.
I make such a handsome statue, that I fetch a nice price from a man, Mr. Porgey, who owns a house on an island to the south. He puts me out on the front lawn, convinced I bring good luck to the family. The family has a boy, Gorge (affectionally referred to as Georgey… get it?) who needs all the luck he can get. After several years of remaining on their lawn as a statue, I witness, in unmoving horror, as monsters swoop down and steal the boy. This brakes the heart of Mr. and Mrs. Porgey, as one might suspect. In rage, he kicks my statue form to the ground.
Eventually, Sancho, with two children, find me. He buys the stunningly good looking statue, and then has the girl child reverse the magic on me. After eight years of living like a rock, I once again move and talk. Well, as a silent protagonist, I didn’t really use that second option. Sancho informs me that the children in tow are, in fact, mine. Not moved by the reunion, I maintain my vow of silence and we return to the castle.
With no clues to lead us to the whereabouts of my wife, we decide, instead, to follow the trail of crumbs that will bring us closer to my mom. We take our ship through some caves to the north, and eventually find our way to a new town, Lofty Peak. Aptly named for its tall, spire like shape, the town holds numerous secrets, including a flying carpet.
With that, we fly towards the center of the world map to Zenethian tower. After fighting through hordes of monsters, we find the Magma staff. The excitement of that find, however, quickly abates when I realized that I had no clue where to use it. We spend days and weeks (or 2 hours of game play time) trying to figure where to use it. The vague clues given by various members of the population only add to my mounting frustrations. Eventually, using the magic of FAQ, I discover the right place to use it.