Fely-sations! My name is Boo. I’m the gray sidekick of my Meowster, SharLi, a hunter of monsters. And while I may look small, I’m scrappy! And, I do most of the heavy lifting when it comes to chasing down and killing these beasts.
If you read my meowster’s journal entry, you might boo-lieve that she and her friend were the ones who slayed the hunter of elder dragons with nearly flawless purrfection. I will say one thing for my meowster, she knows how to embellish. Let me tell you the true story from the purrspective of one with sharper eye-sight and impeccable objectivity.
When my meowster looked over that cliff at Nergigante, the slayer of Elder Dragons, and proposed that we carve him into kibbles, I meowed in protest. I have been through enough catfights with dragons, along side my meowster, to know when she gets in over her head. But, no, Meowster said we’re doing it, and like the purrfect sidekick I am, I nodded my triangle ears in support.
As my meowster recounted the facts earlier, I’ll try not to dig up old litter with a rehash of the same tale. Instead, I will simply point out a few glaring oversights my meowster made. I’m sure you will agree it does not require night vision to see that my meowster takes the lion’s share of the glory. I also notice my meowster left out some of hers less courageous moments.
When we first charged “Nergy,” the elder dragon saw us a mile away. How could he not with my meowster and her friend yelling at the top of their lungs, like a cat in heat? Nergy reared up and roared ferociously, louder than a pride of lions! My meowster omitted the fact that she and her friend were quaking in their kitty boots, paralyzed with fear for quite a bit there! I ran up, slapped her with my paw and meowed loudly to remind her to get her mind back in the hunt. I swear, I’ve seen kittens put up more of a fight!
Their returned courage did not last for long, I’m afraid. The first time my meowster’s friend passed out, her tactics changed from bravely slicing away at the monster to running around, chugging healing potions as if her nine-lives depended on it. I supposed they did. My meowster had invaded Nergy’s territory, and he wanted to eat my meowster as a result. Well, that, and I think my meowster looks like a mouse to Nergy. Have you seen how BIG that dragon is? And with my meowster running around looking for a hole to crawl into, I bet Nergy wanted nothing more to pounce on my meowster and turn him into kitty kibbles.
And pounce he did! Nergy lept with speed that would make a cheetah jealous. My meowster yelled out in pain and screamed “I’m going to die! I’m going to die!” I sprang into action. I banged my shield with my sword, guessing that an apex predator like Nergy also had keen hearing, as every palico possesses from our large, triangle ears. Surely enough, Nergy turned around, leaving his back open to my meowster. Nergy quickly pounced in my direction, but with purrfect agility I leapt out of paw’s reach, keping my shield up. Without asking if I still had all nine lives, or so much as a “Thank you, Boo!,” my meowster immediately began to chug healing potions. That takes time, of course, which I had to purr-cure by hissing at the elder dragon, dodging, and otherwise frustrating Nergy while mowster took care of business.
My paw is getting cramped, so I’ll jump right to the ending of my tail. (To be clear, I mean story. Only stupid dogs chase their tails). When my meowster’s friend died a second time (Humans as not only slow, but quite frail, I’ve noticed), my meowster made it seem that she landed the killing claw swipe. Puh-leeze. While they spent the majority of the time running around, screaming, and gulping down potions like cat-nip, I clawed, raked and leapt at every opportunity to wear down this beast. While my friend’s palico was dragging off his mowster’s fainted body (no one mentions how we do the heavy lifting there), I Fee-rociously pressed my attack, making the most of every opportunity. Have you heard of the phrase “Death by Kitty Cuts?” That phrase came about after seeing me in action. While my meowster thinks it was an overhand smash from her insect glaive that sent Nergy to the great litterbox in the sky, it was actually the final rake of my claws from the other side. Just because I’m smaller than my meowster does not mean she should ignore my contribution to the fight!
Anyway, I have said my peace. While we palicos are the trustworthy, loyal felyne companions to hunters all over the world, we still have a mind and paws that can write. If my meowster cannot see fit to get her facts straight as a palico’s tail, then I will simply have to correct her. Meow. But, right now, I need to go and groom myself. It has been a few hours, and a Boo-utiful palico such as myself must always look his best.
Your Purrfectly Palico Adventurer,